Urban Girl Mag | Next Caaaase: Why John Gray's Sermon on Marriage is not for me
Next Caaassee! (in my best Khia voice) . The court calls pastor John Gary to the stand. . John Gray's sermon was brought to my attention after singer Ciara posted a clip of his sermon with the caption "Don't settle".
john gray, khia, tsmadison, ciara, marriage, wife
13928
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-13928,single-format-standard,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,select-theme-ver-3.5,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-5.0.1,vc_responsive

Next Caaaase: Why John Gray’s Sermon on Marriage is not for me

Next Caaassee! (in my best Khia voice)
.
The court calls pastor John Gray to the stand.
.
John Gray’s sermon was brought to my attention after singer Ciara posted a clip of it on her instagram page with the caption “Don’t settle”.

.

via GIPHY

 

.

This sent the internet into an uproar. Some agreed with Ciara but many such as myself disagreed.

.

.

#LevelUp. Don’t Settle.

A post shared by Ciara (@ciara) on


..
.
In a time when women are reclaiming not only their time but their voices, independence, and their equality taking advice from a man on ‘how to behave’ as a wife didn’t sit too well with me and here’s why:

..

.

At this current time the last thing I feel comfortable with doing is taking dating advice from a man about how ‘I should behave‘ or walking in the ‘spirit‘ of a wife. So umm does this mean that every unwed woman in the world has herself to blame for not walking in the spirit, or what about the women who are in abusive relationships? Is it also her fault for not ‘walking in the spirit of an abused woman?’ Or let’s not forget the women who are sexually assaulted and sexually harassed in the work place and beyond is it all on her for not ‘walking in the spirit of a woman who wouldn’t be sexually assaulted”?  

.

via GIPHY

.

 

Men are busy taking advantage of and abusing women then throwing it on them by telling them it’s their fault this or that happened. This is why you have women suppressing their abuse and failing to press charges in court because society has taught them to blame themselves and not the perpetrator. How many times are we going to say it’s wrong for a woman to blame herself or to blame her ‘short skirt‘ on her rape? before we actually change the system. This change starts by stopping foolishness at the door, and in this case we need to stop setting our self worth to the standard of a man’s opinion.

.

via GIPHY

.

Something has to be inaccurate about this information if there are so many single women who go to church, pray, are educated, caregivers, and the list goes on.  This year we’ve seen Hollywood big wigs be uprooted from their long standing positions, such as Harvey Weinstein because of their inappropriate sexual advances towards professional actresses in Hollywood. This wave of whistle blowing on men utilizing their power to appease their sexual appetite didn’t stop at he doors of Hollywood. Men such as Russell Simmons had to step down from his companies Rush Communications, his array of clothing lines, and Def Jam records, after being accused of rape by multiple women in the music industry. L.A. Reid has also had to leave his post as the Chairman of Epic Records after allegations against him by a female assistant emerged of alleged ‘unlawful harassment of an employee’. This snowball effect of female employees blowing the whistle on their male bosses and co-workers quickly lead into the #metoo movement started on twitter by Tarana Burke, where women hash-tagged the term #metoo after sharing sexual harassment stories through social media.

Let’s not act like this behavior of male entitlement to women and their bodies don’t spill over in the church house.

 

.

via GIPHY

.

The entire #metoo movement reached an extreme high when Oprah Winfrey made that the theme of her Golden Globes speech where the women of Hollywood wore black in solidarity of combating sexual harassment in the workplace and beyond.

.

via GIPHY

.

‘Men Don’t Have All of the Answers to a woman’s dating woes’!, *you don’t have the answers sway!* in fact after taking into account my own experiences coupled with those of women around the U.S. and beyond “looking towards men for any type of validation or approval is probably one of the most ass backwards thing you can do”. I’m not saying John Gray is like the men mentioned above, I don’t know him personally but what I am saying is that if you gauge your ability to be worthy of becoming a wife on a man’s opinion of you, you’ll be running in circles all day, or for all of your life for that matter. We act like men aren’t insecure, like they aren’t doubtful or like they aren’t taught to hunt and conquer women from the time they’re children up into adulthood. Women are socially trained to look for a husband while men are taught to pray on women and their naivety with one goal in mind… to sleep with her. Here’s a tip how about we start men and women out on the same page. We might want to teach men how to be worthy or becoming a husband; we need to teach our boys & men how to ‘walk in the spirit of becoming a loyal, honest, and respectful husband to his queen one day’.

.

via GIPHY

.

Why do we as women constantly look towards a man for his approval rating? I’ll never understand this. Women are pretty damn awesome naturally. We bring life into the world! That’s like infinite points right there. Our bodies are the vehicles for precious souls to come into the physical form whether its male or female. I mean let’s marinate on that for a minute. The alpha and the omega chose the gender of a woman as the sole provider for bringing forth new life…. That’s simply amazing…With that ability alone makes every woman a queen! We raise families, we are the roots and foundation of not only our families but of society. That’s why I’ll never understand why we hold something/someone that derived from our own uterus at a higher standard than we hold ourselves… I mean really a woman pushed every man on earth out of their vaginas, and we turn around and ask a man “Am I good enough yet to become your wife?” How backwards is that? The flaw in this system doesn’t lye in any one person it lye in the way society is structured.

.

.
.

via GIPHY

.
.

I’m not trying to get too suedo deep here but women are the closest thing you’ll get to God on earth, I mean we are that connector between the spiritual realm and the physical world being that we bring souls to earth. We are already worthy of being respected, cherished, and valued (dusts off shoulder). It’s just that after living in an ass backwards world where the one being that should be put on a pedestal is the number one most disrespected: unfortunately we as women tend to fall victim to this propaganda and begin to believe in this ourselves.

.

via GIPHY

.

The last thing we as women need to do is to look towards a man that derived from a woman for advice on how to become worthy of being a wife. We’ve been worthy since the day we were born of becoming a wife to the man of our choice. The real question we should be asking is not “If we are walking in the ‘spirit’ of a wife” but is that man worthy of me being married to him for the rest of my life? Is he worth me bearing his children? Does he deserve me to put all of my options and prospects on hold for him?
.

via GIPHY

.
So in my opinion men choosing not to marry certain women have nothing to do with that woman not being worthy. We as women need not to measure our worth up to the opinion of a man. As we all know men are not perfect, they are flawed and they do not hold the magic key to what is worthy we hold that key. We must remain aware that we are goddesses and that whether a man is wearing a suit in the pulpit or sagging his pants on the street corner they are both men at the end of the day, and we often see how men objectify women on a daily basis then turnaround and blame that women. Just turn on the news. We’ve seen the flaws of men over the years and the only standard of worthiness we need to be living up to is our own. Time is up on women living ‘up’ ‘down’ or in circles to a man’s expectation. So the next time I hear a man trying to explain to me what I need to do in order to become someone’s wife… This is my response *insert Viola Davis Meme*

 

 

via GIPHY

.

.

If you haven’t already check out Khia and TsMadison’s Queen’s Court live on Facebook every Monday, you’ll better understand the reference  :). Their show is hilarious!

Comments

comments

des hadley
desiree_hadley@yahoo.com

No Comments

Post a Comment

Get the latest from Urban Girl Mag

Get the latest in news, fashion, and entertainment.
Name
Email Address
Secure and Spam free...