Everywhere I go I still feel heavy….
1 and then the 2, 2 and then the 3, 3 and then the 4…. then you gotta Breathe – Fabolous
I always feel like there’s some work, some thing, or some important goal that has my name attached to it waiting for me to finish. Beyond the titles, reputation, and small labels I’ve acquired for myself sometimes it’s hard to JUST BREATHE. I care about the condition of the world, society and people so much. Being able to one day finally let go would probably change my world one day at a time. So, I thought I’d find a safe and positive way to relieve myself of the heavy thought processes my mind endures each day.
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I thank God for being who I am because I don’t think anyone else could be me any better. My life is very tough. Beyond high expectations I’ve set for myself , a nagging spirit of perfection, and the intense moments of isolation and separation I have to encounter….. life is Hard for me.
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And, I’m beginning to notice that leadership and authoritative positions sometimes leave room for a hidden inner self. I have a self that can never really be exposed without it affecting those looking up to me, those who trust in me, some who desire the best for me, some who lean on my strength some days. It’s not easy taking the “Road Less Traveled.”
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It’s hard to share when people think you’re superwoman. And, then it’s harder to share with someone who knows you’re not the mystical version of her because you’re afraid to lose them when they find out who you really are.
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Even when I’m not thinking, I am thinking…. I wanna be a good woman, friend, sister, daughter, lover, and teacher… especially in the moments when I find it hard to just breathe.
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Written by M.Vivi
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