Urban Girl Mag | Soul Searching ~ More Lessons Along The Journey
And the journey continues and so does my voice... Sitting in moments of pity with myself, honestly because being broke til it ain’t a joke hurts; however, I was okay. I was going to be okay. (both financially and emotionally) Thoughts of having an amazing daughter, a family who loves and supports me; and a warm heart. It’s a start. This human-like moment of weakness led me yet again, to rely on my God given strength. Did I mention, strength is something I am just being awakened to?
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Soul Searching ~ More Lessons Along The Journey

And the journey continues and so does my voice…
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Sitting in moments of pity with myself, honestly because being broke til it ain’t a joke hurts; however, I was okay. I was going to be okay. (both financially and emotionally) Thoughts of having an amazing daughter, a family who loves and supports me; and a warm heart. It’s a start.
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This human-like moment of weakness led me yet again, to rely on my God given strength.
Did I mention, strength is something I am just being awakened to?

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So this brings me to another life lesson learned, “Wake up!” This covers a broad spectrum. We all have within us what God intended us to have in order to fulfill his purpose for our lives and this is to spread the awareness of His presence and encourage others to draw closer to Him (your higher power).
Now, keeping in mind that we are nowhere near perfect people, but we are human and we all need love, support and clean WATER.

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Sure, there are many things that we can fill a notebook with, if we were to list them out and it may differ as per individual; however, as a human being that list gets minimized to a half page.
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Still keeping in mind, the fact that we have the power of choice; it is up to me as to what’s important and not so important but I was forced to take a second look at my situation and wake up. For me, the term, “Wake up,” is my way of expressing how coming into an awakening of my self-image truly is. Self-love, self-awareness and self-respect has changed my life and it feels incredible. No, I haven’t been rescued from anything in the flesh; however, my spirit has been repaired and now it is what leads my life. I understand that I can only speak for myself and that’s the point. I am asking the question of, “What if we all woke up and smelled ourselves (not roses)?” Maybe if I can take the time to change/improve my scent to what I want it to be and not some artificial, cheap ass shit somebody else drenched me in, I could make a difference.
There will be those who are attracted to scents that I may not find appealing and that should be okay. There will be scents that I never smelled before, that I may happen to like (maybe even try for myself) and that should be okay. What if I smelled a way that was offensive to someone else’s liking? Should I just assume, because they choose to express their opinion of my scent, they are trying to hurt me or make an ass out of me or disrespect me? Maybe.
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My point here is, if it weren’t for me waking up, I would not have been made aware of who I am and the blessing of time and power of choice to be who I want to be. Chosen to be (sanitized and deodorized).
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A better me! Yes, its possible! And so can YOU if you choose to allow it. If you practice waking up. As it turns out, I needed help with that.
When He feels it’s your time, the lessons of life begin to re-play. I’ve learned that it’s okay to share, to help one another for the better good and that’s my choice to believe that. (my own perspective)
I will continue to work to be who I was meant to be and stepping into my own shoes because they fit well, I can try out other shoes too. I can provide feedback but, my own shoes are the ones I was born with and as I grow they will too. I get to wear them and I get to leave positive impressions in the earth as I journey in my purpose. They would be there if someone should need some direction along their journey and they get to leave their own impressions and so on and so forth.
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The world goes around and around, getting better or worse, but the directions and impressions that are left for me I can choose to follow them or I can choose to create my own. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say that if you are inspired by my examples, then I am doing what I should be doing because I now know where I’m headed. I’m walking forward living my life, on my terms, guided by His light.
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Mistakes are that of my own, some made shown. No judgment from me only by He. My mistakes have helped me in learning life’s lessons.
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Another one is “Mind your business!”

Now this phrase is noteworthy to its meaning and usage, so pay close attention. “Mind Your Business”
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How many of you recall the comeback phrase when someone would tell you to mind your business? In my younger days, not so long ago, it went something like, “My mind is my business.” Sound familiar?
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Well, how about there is deep truth and meaning to that phrase. Yes, it definitely teaches a lesson of it’s own. My mind is my responsibility to manage, not a society that teaches me to disregard humanity.
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Managing myself means learning positive behaviors to do just that and yes, that is my business. Be careful because sometimes we need help in managing ourselves. It’s where the line of privacy and public usually are drawn. Sometimes there is an out-of-control factor that plays a significant role in effectively managing ourselves. Maybe some type of disruption in the mental process, social influence or the lack of self-management skills. Good news is there is HOPE.
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What I’ve learned most about minding my business and the snap-back phrase, my mind is my business is they’re just about one in the same. Becoming self-aware, I have learned that in addition to respecting the privacy of others, I have the God given right to embrace my blessings and not allow anyone to shut me up or distract me from my purpose. So do YOU.
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This process is hardly easily. Practicing positive thinking can be difficult to consistently achieve, especially with all of life’s distractions. But, we can have a fulfilling lives. I am learning that I must share some very private aspects in order to demonstrate this practice. I will continue to learn and share how broadening my perception helped to achieve a full scope of positive thinking. It is my sincere hopes that you engage with me. Can we have respectable conversation that may include a difference of opinion? (Like on CNN…lol)
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Some people have been blessed to have learned from the lessons presented in life (not necessarily all negative) however; there are some who may need our help and if that means minding my business so that I can be of better service to others then I will do just that. I am learning just how to, “Mind my business.”
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This is a good one…Shut Da’ Fuck Up!
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Having been brought up in older times far from today, I can recall being taught to “only speak when spoken to.” Then there was, “some things are best left unsaid or how about, there is a time and place for everything and the most familiar, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Who started this shit anyways? Now, I consider myself respectful, but c’mon on now, really? You mean to tell me that if someone is speaking to me in a way I consider to be disrespectful or derogatory, I shouldn’t say anything until the moment they are done. By which time, I may not even feel worthy enough to speak against them or what was said. Here, contradiction intervenes. In a prior statement made on a different platform, I mentioned on the topic of effective communication, how allowing others to finish speaking before interjecting or responding makes for a good flow of conversing. Yes, this is part of learning to communicate effectively; however like most situations in life, there is a very fine line that distinguishes one thing from another.
Truth is, I am a talker, a motor-mouth and an animated speaker. These are a few of the labels, I was groomed to wear. Why? Because this is what I recall others saying about me. Others constantly labeling me, not realizing the harm it may cause.
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Balance is crucial. I even remember the moment; I lost my confidence in what I wanted to say. It was a highly, debatable topic. (No need to specify) The conversation was intense. I was accused of contradicting myself. I briefly thought to myself how, how did I contradict myself? I knew what I was talking about. Shit, the conversation was about a situation I was in. Here’s the thing, I didn’t really understand what the word contradiction meant. I thought of it as a negative word, indicating a person not knowing what they were talking about or lying. At the time, I interpreted the word to be in the same class as hypocrite. No way was I trying to be a hypocrite, no way was I trying to contradict myself. I was simply presenting my case and responding in accordance. It was a great talk; however, it made me feel a way. A way that stuck to me like glue, I never said it stopped me from talking completely but I definitely didn’t speak up for myself in regard to future matters. When I found out the true meaning of contradiction, (long after that conversation) I realized it was okay. I presented my perspective at that time. The point isn’t whether or not I contradicted myself; what matters is learning to choose my words carefully when speaking with others. There is indeed a difference between speaking with and speaking to others. Listening is very important. Speaking with gives you more time to listen; while speaking to doesn’t allow much listening time, therefore, feedback is pretty useful at times. (Sometimes it may not be)
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So, in this particular lesson, I’ve learned when and when not to shut ‘da fuck up. We must be careful when it comes to our communication with others and with ourselves. I understand how life can be so overwhelming; too much shit to beware of. At times, there’s too much (negative) shit going on to worry about. No one wants to walk around paranoid, rite? And it may be a bit annoying to always see the sunny side (positivity) in everything.

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Reflecting back to that particular conversation has allowed me to gain a sense of confidence in what I say and when I say it. Did I overreact by questioning myself? Maybe. There was no way of knowing the result of that before hand. It’s like that with lots of circumstances in my life. You just don’t know.
(Another lesson of not knowing everything)
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What I do know is the more I continue to learn, the more confidence I am regaining in regards to speaking with people. My mentors are teaching me about things that for so long I thought I knew. The more I am learning just when to shut up, I am learning that listening can be the most important part of a conversation. It has allowed me to gain an understanding of the different perspectives we have in the world. I wonder how much we as a society could accomplish towards better days if we just learn effective (non-violent) ways of communicating. Modern day style.
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For one, we all can learn a thing or two from each other, even if it turns out not fully understood in that moment. Asking questions can sometimes aid in gaining a clearer understanding. Not all of us learn on the same level or in the same capacity. I have learned to take responsibility for my own part in what I am learning. Some of you may agree that we learn things from each other all the time, everyday, (Youtubers, social media pros, television, blogging, books, etc.) on a variety of levels. Again, there is a redundancy going on here. On purpose, I have to keep telling myself things of a positive nature just to gain a balance. I can only speak for myself in saying, my life has indeed been filled with many situations, others may or may not have agreed with or understood. It’s life you guys, learning and learning to listen and sometimes staying away from what some may be teaching. This is one of the most valuable life lessons I am learning. There are times when I just need to shut da’ fuck up, but then there may be times when I should speak up.
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Has anyone else ever felt voiceless?
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This lesson almost makes me stir crazy…
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Hmm…Scratches own head So, what is the best way to state it’s all about me without coming off as self this or self that? Narcissistic or nah? Nah, not at all!
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Let’s just say there’s a little bit of self in all of us; actually there should be plenty of self in all of us. My lesson learned is that it is all about me, just not ALL about me. It teaches me that my actions are about managing myself; however, my actions may also affect others. How so? In many ways, how I speak with others or what is said and when all matters.
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This lesson in life teaches me and possibly others all about personal growth. I talk a lot about my daughter because she has been and continues to be a big part of my life. She got caught up in grown folks issues during her young stages, which was not cool, but we all learned some things. As a young adult, she now understands that being a big part of her mommy’s life doesn’t mean it’s all about her. I can only pray that my instabilities raising her doesn’t pose such negative effects causing her personal growth to be hindered.
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Self-destruction is something that I battled for years. Once I finally understood what that actually meant, I was able to steer away from behaviors that worked against my personal improvement progress. Along my journey, it became clearer to me that I had a purpose; a purpose of existence. I hope to continue to learn and grow and learn from others. We can all learn from the complexities of this constantly changing society we live in. Why not talk about some shit, real shit, shit that matters to us. It should be okay for our voices to be heard.
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Special thanks to Urban Girl Mag for the opportunity to let our lights shine through!
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Wanna talk?

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Kashinda T. Marche
kash7650@gmail.com

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